Into The Void
An alternative
website. By Jussy and Twink
Last updated 03/10/01
Hello and welcome to 'Into The Void':
an alternative Sack Trick site.
Here at 'Into The Void', we're dedicated to
bringing you the latest in Sack Trick conspiracy theories, and any other stuff
you won't find on the official site. All done with the utmost sincerity. Of
course.
Use the links on the left to navigate, and please post a message on
our message board.
If you have any theories of your own, any photos we could
use or any feedback on the site, please mail either Jussy or Twink.
Beware of bits of coloured concrete masquerading as the Berlin Wall
Mr.Nubile looking a tad stripey.
Photo from http://www.fivemileshigh.com
Special thanks to DeadGirlCaz <mailto:[email protected]> who spent days searching for evidence of blue ice cream!
Here endeth the strange but true
story of daquiri ice cream... Well, nearly... Coming soon: Justine
<mailto:[email protected]>
finds Blue Ice Cream on holiday!
Conspiracies
Yes, it's time for our favourite bit
of the site.
It could be from reading too many conspiracy theory books, but
something has struck the attention of Twink and myself. Sack Trick are
absolutely bulging with conspiracies. Be it the legendary "Wallace And Gromit "
theory, or the "Penguins on The Moon Is the Perfect Stoner Album" theory, here
are a couple of our theories explained.
Penguins On The Moon: The Perfect Stoner Album
To really follow this theory all the
way through, it is advisable that you first get very very stoned, because I was
in a severe state of intoxication when it occurred to me, I'm in a severe state
of intoxication right now as I type this and I have never properly considered it
when I amn't stoned. Therefore it may make no sense whatsoever to you if you
aren't stoned for all I know...
Moving on to the theory itself. The idea is
that Penguins On The Moon is the perfect album to listen to when stoned. I shall
explain further: every song fits your mood.
Okay, that's a very vague
description of it all. Now here's my in depth analysis of each song on the
album:
Antartica: You know that point,
very early on when you're stoned that you make stupid voices? It's really funny
to impersonate Chris Dale, David Attenborough, Robin Guy or whomever else may
take your fancy (you may even find yourself talking in a foreign language).
Well, that's exactly what Antartica's all about. This shall, as of now, be
referred to as silly voice phase.
Penguins On The Moon:
You're happy, you're chirpy and the world is your oyster. You can do
anything, because you're young, stoned and free. The penguins' enthusiasm and
get-up-and-go at this point perfectly reflects your mood. As does the happy
happy tune.
A Lesson From History: Due to your
inability to let a conversation go, you return to silly voice phase to
impersonate whoever you were impersonating earlier. This inability to let things
go and continual reference to previous conversations is vital in the stoned
theory.
Rainbow Trout: Congratulations! You
stopped doing silly voice and returned to happy happy! You've now been happy
happy since Penguins On The Moon, and it is therefore beginning to wear a bit
thin. Suddenly, the penguins are about to crash and die and everything isn't
looking so great. But wait! You remember you're stoned, you love your friends
and the world's not that bad a place. You're happy again and disaster's passed
for the penguins!
Burt's Tale: Damn your apparent
inability to let things go! You're back at silly voice. No matter how hard you
try, this will continue to plague you.
Microwave
Sweetheart: Recovering from that bout of silly voice, you remember you
were very happy before it began. You can't stop smiling, you love everyone you
know and Microwave Sweetheart is just the best, most fitting song in the whole
damn world!
~Incase anyone cares, I'm currently at Microwave Sweetheart
phase.
Cheesy: Aaargh! It's the munchies! Not any
old muchies. It's the cheese munchies! Melted cheese on toast, melted cheese on
chocolate, melted cheese on spaghetti, melted cheese on anything! You know
exactly what I mean...
Aliens: So, off you
trundle to the kitchen, to cook whatever culinary cheesy masterpiece you feel
capable of. Your friends follow to make sure you: don't burn yourself/get their
cheesy spaghetti right ("al dente", "well done"...jeeesus, make it yourself).
Whilst waiting for the kettle to boil you once more delve into previous
conversations. Once more silly voice rears it's ugly head. And all the way,
there's Aliens, being just exactly what you want to hear at that moment in time.
All I Want I Fish: You're half way through the
cheesy food, when you realise you no longer have the cheese munchies. In fact,
looking around the kitchen, you now have the general munchies. Any food'll do.
Anything except the cheesy crap on your plate which is now making you feel
physically sick. And all the way the penguins are with you. They're as pissed
off as you with cheese.
The Captain's Doubts:
You've returned from the kitchen, when you realise all that
hunger/cooking/eating has exhausted you. You want to sleep, but you can't. You
have nothing to talk about with your friends, you're still mightily pissed off
with cheese and you're remembering the cheesy dishes you're going to have to do
in the morning. The world is that bad a place. You hate everything and
depression begins to set in. You sit deep in thoughtful silence, as does
everyone else in the room (unless there's some perky, sober arsehole saying
"cheer up, it might never happen").
We're On Our Way
Back (To Live In The Snow): This one doesn't come 'til the next day. It
comes after that huge, long period of depression and paranoia (where you sit,
convinced there's someone climbing up your roof). It comes after you eventually
get to sleep, and wake up gripping your best friend after last night's paranoia.
This one comes when you realise there was no one on the roof, your best friends
don't hate you and cheesy dishes aren't as depressing as you anticipated. In
fact, all in all, you're pretty damn happy. And all the way, the penguins are
there, sharing your euphoria.
Well, that's about that for the stoned theory.
You know it makes sense. And if you weren't stoned when you read this, next time
you are stoned, put on Penguins On The Moon and appreciate the
genius.
The Great 45 Minute Conspiracy
It has recently come to our attention, that 'Penguins On The Moon', has yet another cunning aspect to it. It would appear that when Mr.Dale wrote the songs, he had maximum exposure in mind. In other words, the whole album (excluding the secet track, because who really wants that on a tape?), is the exact same length as one side of a standard tape. IE Forty Five minutes long. Maximum exposure??? I hear you ask. Well, the clear intention of this forty five minute saga is for it to be put on tapes and spread throughout the land. Of course that's what Chris intended. He knew his songs were so incredibly captivating (or should that be brainwashing?), that as soon as people heard them they would rush out and buy everything they could by Sack Trick. So it is, we must make these tapes and spread the word...
The Great CD Player Conspiracy
As much as it pains me to admit it, there is in fact one thing about Sack Trick I don't like. It's that line in Penguins On The Moon that goes "it was made with flippers instead of hands". I can offer no reasonable explanation for my irrational hatred of this line. I can only apologise for it. It isn't the content of the line, or the way it's said. I don't know what it is, it just makes me ill. All very well you say, the girl doesn't like a line of a song, fair enough. But there's more to it than that (there always is with Sack Trick, haven't you started to notice?). The thing is, my CD player shares this hatred with me. Sounds silly? I know. But every time it's coming up my CD player simply goes "but it's not too stea..." then jumps forth to A Lesson From History. Could it be coincidence? Could it be that through prolonged exposure to my tastes, my CD player has mysteriously developed the same tastes as me? Or could it be that Sack Trick have the technology to read our minds and give us exactly what we want? Personally, I'll opt for the latter.
The Wallace & Gromit Conspiracy
Whilst watching the Wallace & Gromit Films "A Grand Day Out", "The Wrong Trousers " and "A Close Shave", I noticed an unnerving similarity between parts of the Wallice & Gromit movies and Sack Trick songs! These Scary similarities first struck me when watching "A Grand Day Out". However, there are also other links between the Sack Trick Songs and other Wallace & Gromit movies, Below, I shall list the similarities: 1. The rocket in Wallace and Gromit and the rocket in the cartoons, of Penguins On The Moon, are scarily similar in shape and design. 2. When the penguins go to the moon they find different types of cheese: "It's got stripes in it like danish blue, its suitable for swiss fondue", "I think I trod in some Brie". In "A Grand Day Out, Wallace & Gromit find and sample different types of cheese. 3. In "Penguins on the Moon" Burt falls in love with a microwave left by Nasa. In "A Grand Day Out" the care-taker machine on the moon is a cooker! (Microwave / Cooker, come on this has to be tooooooo similar for words!) 4 .In "A Grand Day Out" The care-taker cooker, goes ski-ing on the moons slopes. In "Penguins on the Moon" Burt Skis "On the lunar Slopes". 5. The third Sack Trick album, is called "Sheep in Kiss Clothing", the third Wallace & Gromit movie was called " A Close Shave" and all about Shaun the Sheep (who incidentily wore jumpers, ie, CLOTHING!) 6. One of the main characters in "The Wrong Trousers" is a penguin. The main characters in "Penguins on the Moon" are (shockingly) penguins. So there you go kids, conclusive proof, that "Penguins on the Moon" may not have been born by the inspirational imagination of Chris Dale, but by Wallace & Gromit creator Nick Park.
Comments
From you, the viewing public.
Thank you
to everyone who submitted a theory or comment about Sack Trick. As with our
Conspiracy theories, each of these have been through our rigourous checks for
phonies. We will not accept fake comments. Only genuine and sincere comments
will be used. Thank you for your compliance with our rules...
"Have you ever noticed how the drummers from Sack Trick always wear the same stripey outfits? I think it's a definite conspiracy: they're forcing stripes upon the fans. I mean it's catching. At the last two gigs I went to, fans were wearing stripes..." Fred Durst
"Has anyone
ever noticed how Nubes is always smiling? I think there's something a little bit
wrong with that guy..." Robin Guy
"Robin Guy
has performed 'Ice Ice Baby' at more than one gig I've attended. I don't think
he's really punk rock at all...I think he likes rap..." Chris Dale
"'Penguins On
The Moon' is like instructions on how to live your life. I'm currently saving up
bits in my pocket and one day hope to build a spaceship so i can go to the
moon..." Gene Simmons
"That
'Penguins On The Moon' album should be made into a musical. I think with the
right story line it could really work..." Little Miss Sack Trick
"Chris Dale
protests too much about how close his relationship with animals is. I'm worried
about him..." Chris Nubile
"I think some
of the people in Sack Trick might be transvestites. I've seen up some of their
skirts and I'm sure there's something up with that Dolly Dollar girl..."
Tony Blair
"The lyrics
are so influential. I've been trying to write a few songs like them. I'm worried
it's so obvious I'm stealing lyrics though..." Paul Stanley
"Is Alex
Dickson really a nun?" Dr.Love
-Well "Dr.Love" (that isn't your real name...is
it?), we have compiled a list of compelling evidence to suggest Mr.Dickson may
infact be a genuine Nun:
1. He looks so damn convincing.
"Our costumes have been really, really, really, REALLY influenced
by those guys in School Girl Kiss" Gene Simmons
How to create that Sack Trick look
all by yourself...
It may, at first, seem like an easy enough challenge, but
creating the Sack Trick look is a very tricky and precise art.
That's why
here, at Into The Void, we're more than willing to help the novice Chris wannabe
to achieve their dream.
Follow our simple steps and you'll be in Sack Trick
heaven in no time...
1.
Yellow. That's right, heap on the yellow, there's no such thing as too much
yellow as far as Chris is concerned. And to get that genuine traffic warden
look, try your local cycle shop.
(As modelled in fig.1 by a
random stranger)
2. Atom
Seed t-shirt. Chris likes nothing more than to relive his glory days in Atom
Seed by wearing his t-shirt in Sack Trick album covers. And for a mere £2, you
too can own a genuine Atom Seed t-shirt. All you have to do is get your hands on
an organart mail order form, and hey presto, you're on your way to Sack Trick
superstar status.
(See fig.2)
3.
Sunglasses. Not just any sunglasses. Only silly
yellow ones will do. These can be found in various outlets.
(See
fig.3)
4. Stripes.
Believe it or not, Chris has been known to adorn stripes before taking to the
stage. I'm sure we all know places to buy stripey clothes. If not, just raid
your band's drummer's wardrobe, you're guaranteed excesses of stripey goodness.
(See fig.4)
Poetry
These
poems are written from the heart. They mean a lot to the people who spent, often
up to several, hours writing each of them.
The Sack Trick Story
There once was a man named Chris,
With a slight obsession with
Kiss,
He picked up a bass,
Pulled a silly face,
And a star called
Sack Trick was born
I hear the penguins calling,
Through the lonely nights and days,
I feel what they are feeling,
I know their avine ways.
Burt and Bob I hear you,
I hear your homing call,
Burt and Bob I understand,
I understand it all...
Sack Trick are so sexy,
They make me wanna cum,
To their gigs to drink and sing,
And pretend to be the Sack Trick queen.
The way Robin bashes his drums ,
Really turns me on,
Although a lot of my friends prefer to stare at Nubile's bum.
I've never met a person who fancies Benny,
But I'm sure there must be one.
Dolly wears the cutest dresses,
He idolises his Mum.
I really love Sack Trick,
I really, really, really do,
I can't stop thinking about those guys,
Even when I'm on the loo.
Sack Trick are so sexy,
They make us want to cum,
To their gigs to drink and scream,
Along to Dale, our favourite Kiss queen!
Some people read books,
To learn what they know.
Some people watch films or television shows.
Some people don't learn,
They live life being thick.
But me?
I get my education from a band called Sack Trick.
They've taught me more than my years at school.
And now I know, I won't be taken as a fool.
I'm now using metric, no more imperial,
And I won't be fooled by fake bits of Berlin Wall.
Sack Trick, my mentors, my teachers, my guides.
Sack Trick have taught me to open my eyes.
Fan Art
Yes, you busy little bees have been inundating us with your art. Thank you, we have the best of it on display here...
Trickan
The Religion
"No, I'm a Trickan, not a Wiccan..."
How many times have you had to say that one? Plenty I bet.
Or
not...could it be that the world doesn't yet know of the wonder of the Trickan
religion?
Sadly, with the reincarnation of atheism amongst today's youth,
important religions such as Trickan are being ignored. It's time our voice was
heard! Join us in our fight to be recognised!
It's hard to give a date for
the discovery of Trickan. Trickan's always been there. It's in the trees, the
grass, the air and most importantly, it's in your body. But if you want to be
specific, it was first spoken of in the year of our Lord 2001.
The basic
elements of Trickan are our Gods and Godesses. Each member of the Trickan
religion chooses one of these divine beings to create a shrine to and worship.
Needless to say our Divine Master Chris Dale is proving to be the most favoured
choice so far.
Chris Dale :: Divine Master of
all. The Creator, the Maintainer and The Destroyer. (And big hair)
David Ryder-Prangley :: God Of Thunder (And Rock'n'Roll)
Chris Nubile :: Pope Of Furry
Coats
Joe Inferno :: High Priest of Skirts, Make Up and the Shrine of Merchandise
Robin Guy :: Lord of Sticks and Stripes
Ben
Calvert :: God of fertility: From the young loins
of Master Calvert springs forth new life into the Trickan Religion
Alex Dickson :: God of
Scotland (the Motherland)